


istg if you delinquents are hiding him in your closets again

by erstwhileLove, sunwardhoseok



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A Whole Mess, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Awkwardness, Chatting & Messaging, Everyone is gay for each other, Fluff, M/M, Random Jokes, Roast Battles, Sehun is lowkey whipped for vivi, Swearing, Your Last Brain Cell, an actual plot, baekhyun needs to go back to preschool, chanyeol needs to be short for once, give kyungsoo a chill pill, have mercy on mother junmyeon, idiots being idiots, jongin just wants chicken and maybe kyungsoo, quit bullying jongdae, someone save yixing, tao loves his gucci feather
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 08:05:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15881967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erstwhileLove/pseuds/erstwhileLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunwardhoseok/pseuds/sunwardhoseok
Summary: a textingau! no one asked for. a group chat that starts off with six idiot college students who have no life, ask help for homework at three in the morning, talk about crushes, and get emo in a matter of seconds.chen: baek who do u think is the best looking out of our friend groupbbaek: the person standing next to mechen: aWchen: thanks dudebbaek: i was talking about chanyeolbbaek: not u lol





	istg if you delinquents are hiding him in your closets again

**Author's Note:**

> hello! its yo girlie and other girlie here for a 10/10 collab on an exo chatfic that no one asked for! we hope you enjoy our story that so far has no plot whatsoever :)

**3:07AM**

 

 **_< bbaek _ ** _has added_ **_chen, vivi_heart, lulu, mother_ ** _and_ **_satansoo_ ** _to a group chat > _

 

 **_[bbaek_ ** _has named chat **skeep** _**_is 4 the week]_ **

 

 **bbaek:** yALLLLLLLL

 **bbaek:** rise an shine

 **bbaek:** its a beautiful morning

 **lulu:** ok first y am i here

 **lulu:** @ 3 in the freaking morning too

 **lulu:** also who r u

 **lulu:** are you some child predator

 **bbaek:** we’ll leave some questions unanswered

 **lulu:**????

**bbaek: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

**chen:** yOU reTARDs

 **chen:** LET ME GET SKEEP

 **bbaek:** lol *sleep

 **chen:** do u want to die

 **vivi_heart:** y

 **vivi_heart:** y the hell are my notifs blowin up

 **vivi_heart:** yALL im trying to get my fUCkiNG beauty sleep

 **chen:** SHUT UP

 **chen:** NO ONE CARES

 **bbaek:** yeah u arent even pretty

 **bbaek:** actually wait thats a lie

 **vivi_heart:**  yehet ;P

 **chen:** i have no time for this late night flirting

 **chen:** im tryna sleep rn all yall gonna wake me up

**bbaek:**

****

**vivi_heart:**

**chen:** ooh petty

 **lulu** : idgaf

 **lulu:** everyone just stop talking and we’re all good

 **vivi_heart:** i smelled drama

 **chen:** ure using a phneo tho

 **bbaek:** lmao *phone

 **chen:** 3 minutes in this dump and i already hate you

 **bbaek:** i love u :))

 **chen:** no ew

 **mother:** now children

 **mother:** hate is a strong word

 **bbaek:** tf who is mother i aint got no mom

 **lulu:** then how are u alive

**bbaek:**

**mother:**

**bbaek:** let’s just not go there

 **lulu:** awww

 **lulu:** but it was getting good :,(

 **chen:** i thought i said to shut up

 **chen:** and btw “mother” is junmyeon

 

< **_chen_** _has changed_ ** _mother_** _’s name to_ ** _myeonieee_** _>_

 

 **bbaek:** well then i am motherless again

 **lulu:** like i said idgaf

 **myeonieee:** awww

 **myeonieee:** u want me to be your mother???

 **bbaek:** um

 

 _ < _ **_bbaek_ ** _has left the group chat > _

 

 _ < _ **_lulu_ ** _has added_ **_bbaek_ ** _to the group chat > _

 

 **myeonieee:** oh

 **myeonieee:** im sorry

 **lulu:** why are we having this conversation @ 3 am again

 **bbaek:** i needed help w my hw

 **bbaek:** ive been stuck on it for the past 4 hrs

 **bbaek:** its hard u kno

 **chen:** which part

 **bbaek:** everything

 **bbaek:** math is just numbers put together with weird symbols and professor kang expects me to know the answers

 **bbaek:** what kinda idiot came up w this

 **chen:** baek its supposed to be an easy review from summer

 **chen:** its simple addition

 **chen:** and we’re in college smh

 **bbaek:** um

 **bbaek:** 82+8= ?

 **chen:** alright i tried

 **lulu:** ha thats how old u are jongdae

 **chen:** i bet u cant even solve that either luhan

 **chen:** and shut up im not 828 years old ure dumb

 **chen:** come back here

**chen:**

**chen:** whered everyone go

 **chen:** i love how everyone dies whenever i start talking

 

**8:52 AM**

 

**chat: skeep is 4 the week**

 

 **satansoo:** anyone want to explain

 **satansoo:** what is this

 **satansoo:** i woke up to 60+ notifs from fucking 3 in the morning

 **satansoo:** and all of u are sad

 **satansoo:** 82+8 does not = 828

 **satansoo:** it equals 666

 

**2:23 PM**

 

**chat: skeep is 4 the week**

 

 **bbaek:** ugh im so tired

 **bbaek:** i just woke up and

 **bbaek:** i look and feel like i got ran over by a truck ten times

 **satansoo:** i wish i was the one driving it

**bbaek:**

**satansoo:** :)

 **lulu:** how did u manage to sleep for 13 freaking hours

 **bbaek:** im byun baekhyun so

 **lulu:** and ure also really dumb so

**bbaek:**

**bbaek:** wait who even r u

**vivi_heart:**

****

**vivi_heart:** lmao luhan rn

**lulu:**

**myeonieee:** NOW kids, we dont bully here in this family

 **satansoo:** baekhyun is an exception right

**myeonieee:**

**myeonieee:** whAt nO—

 **chen:** i support that

 **myeonieee:** finally one obedient child

 **chen:** no no u misunderstood

 **chen:** lets bully baek liek theres no toomrrwo

 **bbaek:** *like

 **bbaek:** *tomorrow

 

< **_bbaek_ ** _has changed_ **_chen_ ** _’s name to_ **_iconic typo boi_ ** _ > _

 

 **satansoo:** wait but the real question is— why is there a random meme of me in ur phone

 **bbaek:** because he secretly loves u

 **bbaek:** hell naw jk fam

 **bbaek:** no one likes u sweetie

**satansoo:**

**satansoo:** yknow i can go to ur room at night and snap ur neck just to kill u right

 **bbaek:** shucks sorry soo

 **bbaek:** lmao i remember doing that during jongdae’s birthday party last year

 **bbaek:** the party picture photographer dude took pics of us to put on the site so we could look at them

 **bbaek:** and this glorious picture of do kyungsoo was captured

 **vivi_heart:** my favorite memory

 **vivi_heart:** someone give the guy a raise

 **bbaek:** to be frank its a

 **bbaek:** memeory

 **satansoo:** just one snap of the neck byun baekhyun

 **myeonieee:** thats not a very nice thing to say

 **myeonieee:** how dare u

 **satansoo:** shut up old man

**myeonieee:**

**lulu:** kyungsoo is such a mood honestly

 **lulu:** and first

 **lulu:** how do u not know who i am

 **lulu:** and second

 **lulu:** how come no one invited me to that party

 **bbaek:** um b pls

 **bbaek:** its been a year

 **iconic typo boi:** and honestly it was a mess

 **iconic typo boi:** baekhyuns favorite barista came and um

 **bbaek:** I DINT HAVE A FAVORURT BARISTA

 **iconic typo boi:** dont*

 **iconic typo boi:** favorite*

 

< **_iconic typo boi_ ** _has changed_ **_bbaek_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_tryhard typo boi_ ** _ > _

 

 **tryhard typo boi:** aSHSDHFJDJDJHFDNDJDJ

 **tryhard typo boi:** back off

 **vivi_heart:** yeah it was bad

 **vivi_heart:** ive never seen baekhyun that whipped for someone before

 **tryhard typo boi:** im not whipped wtf Jsbdjdnddjdjdj

 **iconic typo boi:** u were literally all over him

 **vivi_heart:** yeah y u always lyin

**iconic typo boi:**

****

**satansoo:** honestly tho

 **satansoo:** seeing baekhyun like that

 **satansoo:** in his ugliest form possible

 **satansoo:** trying to kiss up to the empire state building

 **satansoo:** im going to have nightmares again

 **lulu:** yeah u shouldve seen the way your eyes grew when u saw him baek

 **tryhard typo boi:** U WERENT EVEN THERE

 **satansoo:** lmaooooooo

 **vivi_heart:** guys hes trying to fit in

 **iconic typo boi:** omg

 **iconic typo boi:** luhan mustve really been there then

 **lulu:** haha

 **vivi_heart:** well congrats luhan no one gives a shit

 **tryhard typo boi:** is no one gonna talk about how creepy that is

 **tryhard typo boi:** like

 **satansoo:** yeah i dont even remember seeing u there luhan

 **lulu:** :)

 **myeonieee:** alright then…

 

**3:11 PM**

**chat: skeep is 4 the week**

 

 **tryhard typo boi:** y

 **tryhard typo boi:** a

 **tryhard typo boi:** L

 **tryhard typo boi:** L

 **tryhard typo boi:** LUHAN

 **tryhard typo boi:** WAS

 **satansoo:** stop

 **tryhard typo boi:** NOT

 **tryhard typo boi:** J

 **tryhard typo boi:** O

 **tryhard typo boi:** K

 **tryhard typo boi:** I

 **tryhard typo boi:** N

 **tryhard typo boi:** G

 **myeonieee:**???

 **tryhard typo boi:** i found him in the back of one of the group photos we took that day

**tryhard typo boi:**

**lulu:** hola

 **vivi_heart:** u frickin creep

 **tryhard typo boi:** im creepin in ur heart babe

**tryhard typo boi:**

**satansoo:** disgusting

 **satansoo:** get that off my screen

 **satansoo:** now.

 **iconic typo boi:** im a beauty

 **iconic typo boi:** man my face is iconic

 **iconic typo boi:** kyungsoo doesnt know what hes saying

 **satansoo:** get out

 **iconic typo boi:** no

 

< **_satansoo_ ** _has removed_ **_iconic typo boi_ ** _from the group chat > _

 

 _ < _ **_tryhard typo boi_ ** _has added_ **_iconic typo boi_ ** _to the group chat > _

 

 **iconic typo boi:** someones feisty today

 **lulu:** haha

 **iconic typo boi:** y do u always come out of nowhere

 **vivi_heart:** bc hes a creep

 **lulu:** tf no

 **lulu:** im luhan dumbass

 **myeonieee:** language

 **tryhard typo boi:** go away junmyeon

 **myeonieee:** oh

 **vivi_heart:** im not ok

 **vivi_heart:** im dyin inside

 **myeonieee:** im going to go cook dinner gtg

 **myeonieee:** bye children

 **vivi_heart:** sayonara

 **lulu:** bye mom

 **tryhard typo boi:** pls dont set anything on fire

 **satansoo:** bye

**iconic typo boi:**

**iconic typo boi:** im not gonna say bye

 **iconic typo boi:** im a REbEL

 **iconic typo boi:** get on my level

 **iconic typo boi:** that rhymes

 **iconic typo boi:** hello

 **iconic typo boi:** really guys

 **iconic typo boi:** wow i hate u all

 

**4:18 PM**

 

**chat: skeep is 4 the week**

 

 **tryhard typo boi:** lmao jongdae rip

 **tryhard typo boi** : i can smell the food

 **tryhard typo boi:** that junmyeons making from my room

 **tryhard typo boi:** am i the only one online rn

 **tryhard typo boi:** well then

 

 _ < _ **_tryhard typo boi_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_baekkieboo_ ** _ > _

 

 **baekkieboo:** damn im cute

 **baekkieboo:** so howre u doing, baek?

 **baekkieboo:** im doing great thanks for asking

 **baekkieboo:** how are u doing?

 **baekkieboo:** terrible

 **baekkieboo:** im starving to death

 **baekkieboo:** and im tired

 **baekkieboo:** take a nap then, baek!

 **baekkieboo:** oky ily i will bye

 **baekkieboo:** sleep well i love u more

 

**5:05 PM**

 

**chat: skeep is 4 the week**

 

**lulu:**

**lulu:** hes so weird

 **lulu:** y does he talk to himself lmao

 **satansoo:** its normal for him to do that

 **satansoo:** he only does it when hes lonely

 **satansoo:** which is all the time

 **satansoo:** since he doesnt have

 **satansoo:** empire state buildings contact yet

 **lulu:** umm

 **satansoo:** ikr

 **satansoo:** one time i walked in on him

 **satansoo:** complimenting his reflection

 **satansoo:** i had nightmares for weeks

 **lulu:** it sounds like

 **lulu:** baek gives u a lot of nightmares

 **satansoo:** he does

 **satansoo:** thats just how repulsive he is

 **lulu:** rip

 

**7:22 PM**

 

**chat: skeep is 4 the week**

 

 **myeonieee:** kids

 **myeonieee:** hello

 **myeonieee:** anyone

 **myeonieee:** guys?

 **myeonieee:** hello?

 **myeonieee:** ignored

 **myeonieee: ...** dinners ready

 **lulu:** coming

 **satansoo:** coming

 **vivi_heart:** coming

 **iconic typo boi:** coming

 **myeonieee:** and i can see that i am loved

 **myeonieee:** baek?

 **myeonieee:** my child?

 **myeonieee:** is my child dead can u children pls check on him

 **satansoo:** i wish he was dead

**lulu:**

**vivi_heart:**

**myeonieee:**

**myeonieee:** dO kYUNGSOO.

 **satansoo:** what

 **iconic typo boi:** u and me both soo

 **myeonieee:** KIM JONGDAE.

 **myeonieee:** fine i’ll do it

 

**7:53 PM**

 

**chat: skeep is 4 the week**

 

 **myeonieee:** where is he

 **myeonieee:** i swear if you delinquents are hiding him in ur closets again

 **lulu:** what happened

 **vivi_heart:** ^

 **satansoo:** ^^

 **iconic typo boi:** ^^^

 **vivi_heart:** wtf

 **vivi_heart:** what was that

 **vivi_heart:** did yall hear that

 **lulu:** the inhuman screech?

 **iconic typo boi:** that sounded like a dying turkey

 **lulu:** why turkey tho

**iconic typo boi:**

**iconic typo boi:** turkeys r lit

 **myeonieee:** oH MY HEAVSNS

 **myeonieee:** MY CHILD IS DYING

 **iconic typo boi:** omg

 **myeonieee:** IKR

 **iconic typo boi:** no not that

 **myeonieee:** WHAT

 **iconic typo boi:** u finally made a typo

 **myeonieee:** DONT U CARE ABOUT MY CHILD

 **iconic typo boi:** he aint mine

 **myeonieee:** no but the real question- where is he

 **satansoo:** in his bed where else

 **vivi_heart:** yeah he fucking lives in it

 **myeonieee:** BUT I LOOKED

 **lulu:** then what was that scream

 **iconic typo boi:** lol i thought we said it was a turkey

**myeonieee:**

**vivi_heart:**

**satansoo:**

**lulu:**

**iconic typo boi:** what

 **satansoo:** ever heard of the word “joke”

 **vivi_heart:** on my birthday my mom told me i was one

**satansoo:**

**satansoo:** ok we’ll try that again

 **satansoo:** ever heard of sarcasm

 **iconic typo boi:** no???

 **satansoo:** junmyeon youve raised a stupid one

 **iconic typo boi:** hey

 **myeonieee:** KYUNGSOO.

 **satansoo:** you called?

 **iconic typo boi:** im not a stupid one

 **iconic typo boi:** im jongdae get it right

 

 _ < _ **_satansoo_ ** _has left the group chat > _

 

 _ < _ **_lulu_ ** _has added_ **_satansoo_ ** _to the group chat > _

 

 **vivi_heart:** someone explain why

 **vivi_heart:** baekhyun is no long in the house

 **lulu:** maybe he became one w the bed

 **vivi_heart:** true

 **vivi_heart:** sounds like smth thatd happen to him

 **vivi_heart:** but on a more serious note yeah where did he go

 **myeonieee:** omg im freaking out rn

 **iconic typo boi:** why

 **myeonieee:** BECAUSE MY CHILD IS MISSING

 **myeonieee:** AND

 **myeonieee:** MY FOOD IS GETTING COLD

 **myeonieee:** BAEKHYUNS SEAT IS EMPTY

 **myeonieee:** ISTG YOU GUYS BETTER FIND HIM

 

**8:46 PM**

 

**chat: skeep is 4 the week**

 

 **lulu:** wheres junmyeon

 **vivi_heart:** u mean mom right

**lulu:**

**lulu:** RIGHT

 **iconic typo boi:** hes in his room

 **iconic typo boi:** and wont come out

 **vivi_heart:** y tho

 **vivi_heart:** i just heard him screech nvm

 **satansoo:** bc no one has found

 **satansoo:** his beloved child

 **lulu:** we have to find him soon then

 **iconic typo boi:** never thought id say this

 **iconic typo boi:** but

 **iconic typo boi:** i agree

 **vivi_heart:** ^^

 **satansoo:** ^^

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> stay tuned for the next chapter friends— thank you for reading!


End file.
